How trauma impacts relationships
When you have experienced any degree of trauma, it not only impacts you in a physical, cognitive, and spiritual way, it also impacts every relationship you have; whether the other person(s) are even aware of the trauma-inducing event.
As you may have read in my last blog post, untreated trauma can often get stuck in the body, so if that trauma can impact your body in a physical way, what do you think it might be doing within your relationship(s)?
Trauma in relationships can often show signs like:
constant arguing - communication becomes even more dysregulated
distance / withdrawal from the relationship
co-dependence
change in the level of trust
shift in activities shared
trauma-bonding*
Trauma Behaviors in Relationships
Trauma can have a profound impact on your life, especially within the context of intimate partner relationships, as well as with other important relationships, like with your kids, parents, siblings, and/or friends.
When individuals have experienced trauma, they may exhibit certain behaviors that can significantly affect their connection within their relationships. These behaviors can manifest in various ways, such as emotional withdrawal, hyperarousal, or hypervigilance. Some individuals may find it challenging to trust others, leading to difficulties in forming secure attachments. Additionally, survivors of trauma may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as pushing their partners or loved ones away out of fear or feeling unworthy of love and care.
*An Important Note on Trauma-Bonding*
Trauma-bonding is a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon that I feel needs to be addressed as we consider it in the context within a relationship. Trauma-bonding occurs when two individuals form a deep emotional connection as a result of shared traumatic experience(s). It is as if the intense and distressing circumstances they have encountered bind them together on a profound level. Trauma-bonding can occur in various relationships, such as within families, romantic partnerships, or even in situations of hostage or abuse. What makes trauma-bonding particularly complicated is that it can create a cycle where individuals oscillate between moments of safety and moments of fear, seeking solace and security from the very person or situation that caused their pain, or who has experienced similar trauma.
Breaking free from trauma-bonding requires a deep understanding of the dynamics at play and a commitment to healing and establishing healthy boundaries. Through therapy and support, individuals can begin to untangle the web of trauma-bonding and pave the way for their own well-being and recovery.
Addressing trauma behaviors in relationships requires patience, empathy, and open communication to foster healing and create a safe space for each person(s) to grow and thrive.
Sharing trauma with others can be a profound and courageous act of vulnerability. When you choose to open up about your experiences, it not only allows you to release the weight that you have carried alone, but also fosters connection and empathy within your relationships. Sharing your trauma with a trusted confidante creates a space for validation, understanding, and healing to take place. It offers an opportunity for others to witness your pain, hold space for you, and offer support and comfort. By sharing your trauma, you break the isolation that often accompanies it, and in turn, empower yourself to embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and resilience.
When sharing feels too difficult
Sometimes, sharing your traumatic experiences can be challenging, and there are times when opening up about your pain feels overwhelming or even impossible. This struggle to share your trauma with others is common, but it's important to remember that healing doesn't always require immediate disclosure. There are practical steps you can take when you find it difficult to share your trauma with others, while still prioritizing your well-being.
1. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Acknowledging and accepting your difficulty in sharing trauma is the first step towards healing. It is essential to embrace self-compassion during this process. Be gentle with yourself and understand that everyone's healing journey is unique. Allow yourself the time and space needed to process your experiences and build the necessary trust before sharing your trauma with others.
2. Seek Support from Professional Help
When grappling with the reluctance to share your trauma, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapists trained in trauma can provide a safe and confidential space for you to explore your emotions, gain insight into your experiences, and gradually build the courage to share. Working with a professional can offer guidance and support in navigating the difficulties that arise from trauma while ensuring your well-being throughout the healing journey.
3. Engage in Self-Reflection
It is worth exploring the reasons behind your apprehension to share your trauma. Reflect on your past experiences and consider any potential triggers or traumas associated with discussing your pain. Identifying these obstacles can help you better understand your hesitancy and work through them with the help of a therapist or through self-reflection practices such as journaling or meditation.
4. Connect with a Support Network
While disclosing your trauma may be challenging, building a support network of trusted individuals who can offer understanding and empathy can greatly aid in your healing process. Choose individuals who have demonstrated reliability, trustworthiness, and a supportive presence in your life. Connect with them, share your feelings, and gradually test the waters of vulnerability. Remember, it's essential to go at your own pace, only opening up when you feel ready and comfortable.
5. Expression through Alternative Mediums
If verbalizing your trauma seems too daunting, consider exploring alternative outlets for self-expression. Engage in creative activities such as art, writing, music or movement. These mediums can provide a safe space to give voice to your emotions, and guide you to begin processing your experiences.
There is an important aspect to utilizing alternative mediums such as the ones above: intention. Your intention for utilizing your chosen alternative(s) will set the tone and pathway for you as you begin this part of your healing journey. What I suggest is to create a plan of action for the use of these outlets, consider your intention, for example, “my intention is to begin the process of healing,” and allow this mantra to guide you through whatever you have chosen to do.
Ultimately, everyone's path to healing is unique, but taking these steps can lay a solid foundation for reclaiming one's inner strength and resilience in your own life, as well as in all of your relationships. If you are having difficulty in your relationships due to trauma, be sure to schedule a consultation so we can discuss what individual or relationship therapy can do for you today.
